Dear Co-workers,
You are all basically handing me 100 dollars each by challenging me to the Office Biggest Loser because i am going to win. I dont care if it means that i go on an all water diet for 3 months, that money will be mine.
Dear Marshana,
whatever it was that you were wearing on Ellen yesterday (it appeared to be some sort of catsuit-halter-denim-overalls contraption) needs to be returned from wherever you got it, never to be seen again. NATIONAL TELEVISION and youre wearing denim halter overalls? really? You are a big big weirdo and no wonder why you didnt land the british gentleman.
DearAnthropolgie,
You smell. At first i thought you smelled good but now that i am there constantly you give me a headache. Why cant you just stick to one scented candle instead of burning them all at the same time? (dear volcano, youre my favorite)
Dear Simon Cowell,
thank you for bringing Leona Lewis into my life via Oprah. I heard her first on the radio and wasnt sold, but once i saw her on Oprah i became a superfan. Nice job Simon. Also thank you for being the only sensible judge on American Idol.
Dear Andrew Lloyd Webber,
Do you have some sort of crippling disease or are you just a weird creepy child molester? Do us a favor and stay behind the curtain writing your strange plays and music and stay off of primetime television.
Dear my favorite authors,
Can you come out with some new material? I am dying for a new book.
Dear Verizon Wireless,
can you just forget about the phone i have and accidently send me a new, better one, free of charge?
Dear Smokers who come into my office everyday,
You make me sad/sick/smell. Dont ask to use our bathroom so that you stink up the halls and then the bathroom. Its just too much. And dont act offended when i follow you around with a can of febreeze.
Dear 13 hour workdays,
On paper you frustrate me, but at the end of the day you make me feel fulfilled and accomplished. Thank You.
Dear best friends,
Thank you for always being hilarious and even for writing me weird confidential emails and for spilling your secrets and weird weird guts to me so that i will be entertained for hours via our correspondence. You always seem to be filled with empty promises of reunion cruises and projects-and thats ok because its fun to just talk about it. I am looking forward to the day that we can all really reunite and not just talk about. Can it be soon?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Dear Real Life,
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
It is so nice to keep up with your comings & goings through your blog. Thanks for that. I was going to comment on the placenta filled scum bath, but it really left me speechless. The nastiest thing I have ever seen! By the way, are you going to give your poor old Mom your new phone # so we can KIT??? Love you.
I feel the exact same way about Leona Lewis. I see Oprah about 4 times a year and I am so glad that I happened to tune in and see her. I think she is amazing.
Nick couldn't get over Andrew Lloyd Webber on AI. I don't think he really heard any of the contestants sing because he was busy focusing on the "weirdo" as he called him.
Dear Shauna,
There is no way in hell that I will be handing you over even 5 cents.....You see, I lose a pound every time you come back to my desk and grab 15 reeses cups and a couple of starburts...Just sayin' So, keep on talking the talk cuz you ain't gonna walk the walk. I love you, but I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast! So, bring it on white girl....BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s. Do you want to make an alliance?
dear anonymous, known as trudi.
alliance? duh. i am just bulking up before the initial weigh in, dont even worry
You're pretty much the only person who can be so brutally honest while being such a nice person.
p.s. i love overalls and i can't wait until they are back in style!
I agree whole heartedly with "Dear Andrew Lloyd Webber..."
First off, i love Amy.
Second, when i saw Leona Lewis on American idol i said to Glen, Marc & Raquel, "oh Shauna LOVES this."
Third, you are hilarious. It's like a little treat when i get on & see that you have a new post. I can always count on you to post some of the exact thoughts i think while watching tv shows.
dear shauna,
thanks for being funny all the time.
trust me, i KNOW funny, and you are funny.
thanks for bashing overalls right now. they were never good, folks, and they never will be. leave em for the farmers and painters.
thanks for letting me tell you all of my secrets on gchat sometimes.
this is kind of ridiculous, but i have gotten to the point where i can't WAIT to tell you when something gross/entertaining/funny happens. like getting asked out by the only guy in my ward with BRAIN DAMAGE on my first day there.
thanks. love you. k bye.
love, kelly jo
freak. almost 100 comments. has that ever been done? your mother is so funny and we miss you. can't wait to see you at kels and glens wedding!
You're hilarious! Sad I missed that Oprah espisode, sounds like it was really good. I am seeing that there is a bit of a lag, maybe we will get it in 3 months time.
Loved the Andrew Lloyd Webber insight. hilarious, as usual.
I've been trying and trying to find something nice and non-judgemental about your post, and i can only find one thing. You thanked Simon Cowell.
i was trying to find something NOT funny about your blog, and i couldn't. i was trying to find something that i DON'T love about you, and i failed.
i tried to find something NOT judgmental about the anonymous bitch who left you the last comment, and i failed AGAIN.
i wish i could succeed at SOMETHING, shauna. leave my friend alone or i will cut you.
also, apparently i curse and make death threats when i'm angry. OOPS. maybe someone will read what i wrote and JUDGE ME too.
i kid, i kid. not completely kidding, but mostly kidding.
Post a Comment